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I got a dirty little secret that I don’t tell anyone. But it’s so grimy and fun that I’m bursting to tell, so that’s why I’m writing this story. I joined an online dating service a while back, and life has not been so good. None of my friends know, and definitely not my boyfriend. Everyone around me is so conservative, and because I don’t drink or do drugs these are actually the only people around here to hang out with. Boring Christian Conservatives. As soon as I found Sex In Delaware and started making mature connections, though, more than a few of the good Christian Leaders in my town sent me text message. Consider Duane, for instance. We happen to attend his youth groups every Friday night. The activities are wholesome and fun. Duane comes up with all sorts of things, like going to the lake. I wore my blue bikini for that, and Duane talked to me a lot that night. Then, a week after I joined Sex In Delaware, Duane emailed me. He didn’t use his real name at first, but I knew it was him. He pretended he didn’t know who I was, so I played along. He’s a real flirt on the internet, you’d never imagine what he did for a living. We agreed to meet, and he gave me an address to an apartment downtown. I met Duane the next day, at the apartment. “I often work late with the ministry, it’s simply less difficult to sleep in town instead of driving back again to the Rock”, he offered as an explanation because of his cheating pad. I turned to Duane and said, “since the ex-President of the United States says placing your sausage in my mouth isn’t sex, lets do it.” That made sense to Duane. I stripped and started sucking his sausage right there, within the hall. Later we moved to the living room where he munched my muff for days before impaling me with his holy staff. Then Duane blessed me with his searing white man goo. I lapped this up. It tasted like the body of Christ. Duane turned all-repentant subsequently, but I wouldn’t have any of it. “Shut up you Sex In Delaware trollop! If you need to have more sex, call me. If you need to pray, get back to work”, I said and walked out the door.

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